Leadership Doesn't Equal Domination

I was watching Jimmy Evans today. He's one of my favorite voices on marriage.
Today as I was watching, he said something that made me drop what I was doing and run to my blog!
I see so many couples struggle with this one issue: leadership. And the problem of leading looking like domination or a dictatorship.
In my opinion, men hear they are to LEAD the home and they come home (to tell their wife about their new found epiphany) beating their chest, telling their wife they are the leader of the home. This leaves the woman very confused, for she already knew this and was just waiting for him to decide to lead in certain areas. And as he lets out his Tarzan war cry, she just wonders where he's been all her life, no REALLY! I mean, when this happened to me, I wondered, WHO are you and what have you done with my husband. Why do you want to take away my say so in everything and call it "leading?"
The tendency is to take that "leadership" and shove it right down their wife's throat, or that's what I have seen happen more than a few times. I get very frustrated because many times a man hears this as he is seeking help for his possibly already rocky marriage. I just want to say LEADERSHIP doesn't equal dominating your wife. It doesn't mean telling her what is best for her. It doesn't mean taking away her right to weigh in on important issues or non important issues with the family, as a whole or individually. It doesn't mean choosing to do things without even talking to her anymore. And it doesn't mean you get to do what YOU want. Please reread that last sentence.
After watching Jimmy for a few minutes today, this is what I felt said what leadership actually IS. This is straight from Jimmy, almost word for word, "Women need to feel secure. Money is  a very important part of a woman feeling secure.  Another thing women need is leadership. Every woman wants her husband to lead her, not to dominate her, but to be an equal partner. Women need a man to initiate the well being of the home, romantically, spiritually, with kids and money. Her security is derived from knowing her husband is tuned in and being responsible in that area."
What I want you to get out of that is that women don't need some Tarzan, hairy chest-beating, war cry screaming MAN. We need a man to INITIATE, not TAKE OVER. We need them to NOT DO BY THEMSELVES because they want to, because they want to feel totally responsible. But to take upon themselves the well being of our family and home.  Staying tuned in and responsible. Being sure to look after the best interests of everyone. Part of that includes listening to your wife who will have great insight to what is truly best for the children, since she probably spends more time one on one with them!
I wish I had more time, but I hope you heard what I said. I really feel there is such confusion in the church about what being a leader of the household is all about and personally after reading Proverbs 31, and seeing the WOMAN being the DOER of the household, I'm not so sure we've appropriately named leader of the household. What a woman does while her man is away at work is lead the household, quite literally, what a man is supposed to do, it seems to me is lead the household, figuratively. Just meaning that the term is figurative, what they are DOING is not figurative. But action oriented! So, when a man leads his family, he takes the responsibility for his family, or household. I hope that last part didn't confuse you. I got into semantics there, sorry!